Life as Jacob

Survey of instant-messagers finds any two people just 6.6 degrees apart

Sometimes the best thing for a bad day is food. Dusty and I headed over the river to Rock’s Italian Grill for a little emotional soul food.

NAME____________________

GANG/CREW NAME______________ CRIB_________________

1. Ramon has an AK-47 with a 30-round mag. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Ramon hit before he reloads?

2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an
8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram. What be the street value of the rest of his shit?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho’s. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne’s $800 per day Crack habit?

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to get the 20% upside?

5. Desmond gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4×4’s, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $9000?

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3-8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?

9. LaShaunda is a lookout for the gang. LaShaunda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and the cost be $5 per rat. If LaShaunda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week’s income?

10. Marvin steals Juan’s skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15 mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

After a nice belated birthday dinner, I headed over to the homemade ice cream and pie kitchen. They have some great stuff.

I must give props to Jerry and Stacy for indulging me in on a food safari.

Tonight we went to a restaurant on Bardstown road called Ramsi’s on the World. It’s a nifty little place with a good atmosphere of vintage artwork and strange collections.  They have a patio for those who dare brave the environment of Louisville and two indoor seating areas with an eclectic assortment of chairs and tables.

The menu is about as far away from cheeseburgers and fries as you can get.  I don’t get to eat there very often so a birthday dinner sounded good when it left my lips.  Then, as my voice electronically traveled the 30 miles to my gift givers, I heard a collective sigh.  This is generally a, “Shit, where’s Jacob dragging us now?”

Stacy and Jerry arived just a few minutes after I was seated.  I had already ordered some Foccacia which the waitress sat down on the table with our drinks.  At this point my goal should have been to take out my iPhone and snap a picture of the looks in their faces.  One would have thought the bread, covered in diverse cheeses and spice, was a chopped up platypus on a plate.

The menu, although extensive, was to hold no prize for my company.  Although they had both seen the online version, each gawked at what creations were printed on it’s laminated sheets.  Desperately searching for something close to the edges of a box, Stacy ordered chips and salsa while Jerry went for something similar to a cheeseburger.

As we waited for the main course to escape from the kitchen, we amused ourselves with some fanticiful backstories to for the people around us.  The couple to my 7 o’clock caused Stacy some problems.  We both discussed the possibilities of the older man being gay and eating with his son or a younger man having a gay sugar daddy.  Both possibilities were fun.  Stacy kept saying the younger man was straight and I could see he was gay.  Stacy argued with me on this point, but could give evidence to the contrary.

When the food was placed on the table by our lesbian watiress with a Zorro haircut, I was the only one who had eager tastebuds.  Stacy took a bite of salsa and snarled her lip at it’s temprature.  Jerry disected the bun before him to get to the beef patty in it’s doughy depts.  My eggplant parmesan was hot and delicious.

You can’t blame me for liking what I like.  My expirence at Ramsi’s was good and I will likely return.  Stacy and Jerry on the otherhand will be avoiding this quiant spot in our fair city like the plague.  I was good of them to brave this new world of cusine for me on my birthday, which is why they are both good friends.

OMG, I read this and I was rolling on the floor!  Isn’t this the funniest thing you have ever read?

Unfortunately this is what happens, when an Indian tries to tell a joke in English.

In my opinion, people shouldn’t poop at work.  How can I go into a meeting with someone when I have smelled how stinky their poop is?  While the conversation at hand might be reports, programming, and direction of the company, my mind instead is adrift with thoughts of, “what the hell have you been eating?”

At 1:33 in the morning, getting up at 6:30 seems like a relatively simple process. At 6:30, that will change substancially.

As a rule, toilet paper should always roll over the top. This makes for easiest access to the sheets when In dire need. When rolled over the back, one must first roll forward to pick up a lip on the first sheet.

Physics of Superheroes 3 - Superman’s Blooper

I found this while browsing the Internet and had a good laugh. If you think this is funny, check out the other three videos.